Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
