I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
