Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
