the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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