If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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