In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was so not down for the gang bang
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
