Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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