we have officially lost it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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