i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
