he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who died my cat blue again?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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