Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
