You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
