Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
