I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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