guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
