When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
