Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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