you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
