But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
