Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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