You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
