I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
