i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
