My hand turned me down
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
