Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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