she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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