i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
