Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
