Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
