just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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