I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize