Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
