If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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