I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
