no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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