The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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