Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
