Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Alive.
So much puke
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
