i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
