Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
