my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
