Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
