if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
