Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
