I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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