my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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