C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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