Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
