My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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