Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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