my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
