As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So many bounce houses so little time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
