I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have aggressive nipples.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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