I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
