So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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