I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
