so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
worst night to have a conscience
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
