Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
