i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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