My friends, they love my intelligence
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
