her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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