Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
