I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
pray to the hookup gods
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
