my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
