So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize