Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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