So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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