Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
