ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
