one two three fourrrrnication!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
