dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize