Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
