he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
