Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
