So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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