Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
