here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
