How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
