3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
